i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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