Whod you bang
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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