be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Do vagina's smell?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
