dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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