i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You've changed since you got that strap on
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
