This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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