I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
