yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
