Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
