why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
