i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
