I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
