Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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