just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
