Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She is in my trunk
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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