I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
