I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
