i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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