I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
