Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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