I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize