In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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