the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
