guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
