i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
