I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize