Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize