I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
