i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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