How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
