it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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