my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize