apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
