Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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