So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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