Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
