First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
