I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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