You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
