hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize