I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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