In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
