don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
