It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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