don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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