Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Reggie can tackle my bush.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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