sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize