i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
