I look better un-naked...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
