i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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