FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's blow job season.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize