I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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