Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
