then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
