i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
