so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
