no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
