I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
