i jhust puked up my retainher.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize