I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
