the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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