apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
