i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm passing your future prison.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
