I feel great
I just peed on a car
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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