Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
