yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
