Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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