he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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