Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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