Ambien. No doubt about it.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
