I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
