oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize