is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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