i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You are a genius and a whore.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize