I wish I could teleport
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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