I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
