I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
