I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I need a burrito and a hug.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
