Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Mom said you looked used
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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