literally had 100 drinks last night.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
