plz talk dirty to me
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
