Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
