Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
