i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
