When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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