we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
