I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize