omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
