Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There's always time for handjobs
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
