if i can run in heels then i can drive
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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