thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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