god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
