Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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