Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
