Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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