There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Duck Duck Cougar?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
This couple is walking their pig around campus
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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