i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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