Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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