I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
