Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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