i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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